Highlights from the Night

The night itself passes in a blur. After so much tequila, fucked if I can remember what happened, but the photo evidence of my phone brings back some flashes of fun times!

We start the evening at Beige's cocktail bar. Always good to start off with some classics, then ramp it up from there.

Apparently, at some time during the evening some more of our glossy posse arrived. Just home from a promotional tour of the States is the flint-edged Chisomo.

Adding even more glamour to the scene is the arrival of the other marvellous Mary.

After this, it all gets a bit hazy.

Our waiter.

A few more drinks!

An unexpected visit from Jed Ward!

The Police Arrive

It's a successful evening as long as nothing ends up... oh.

Last Minute Catastrophe!

6:00 pm

With our dresses primped and our spats spatsed, it's time to think about leaving!! But before heading out onto the town, it's important to line the stomach against the possibility (remote!) of alcohol consumption. While Sarah does press-up after press-up, I create a zesty plate of braised fennel and truffles (got to eat like the working man! got to eat like the working man! got to eat like the working man!)! My top tip is to avoid cooking in the clothes you're going out in - nothing says "working man" to the movers and shakers of London like a rogue splish of eucalyptus oil on the epaulette!

6:37 pm

After all our preparations and building anticipation, it's nearly time to leave! I'm bubbling over with excitement! I'm so excited I might just fucking die! I won't, though. Don't worry! Ha ha!!

6:46 pm

Just as we're on the threshold, disaster strikes! Sarah points out that I have... a label showing. After just seventeen short panic attacks, however, all is rectified at the last minute when my indentured man, Sverge, sews me a completely new suit. It's good to be able to think on your feet in a crisis like that! Strong of heart, we head out into London society!

Decisions, Decisions!

4.00 pm

Right! Time to get to work! It's not time to dress yet, but there are some difficult decisions to be made before we start the next phase of the evening. On a night like this, it's not enough to dress in one's best threads - a truly successful occasion means choosing a theme, narrative and teleology for our ensembles. Subtle adjustments can be the difference between being hot, and just being a hot mess. 

Will tries on some variations of his signature look. Perfectionist that he is, only exactly right is good enough, but I record both ideas for posterity, because even his rejected themes are often a gold-mine of couture genius!

L'agent Secret

L'agent Provacateur

5.00 pm

Will's been zipped and unzipped, and let's never speak of that again. It's time for me to make some tough picks! I've winnowed down the hundreds of potential gowns in my closet to a mere none. Decision made, I slip on my Batman t-shirt (DC, Fruit of the Loom). With an elegant, basic, classy piece like this, accessorizing is the key. This is one of my favourite parts of the evening. I have to pick a few baubles from a trove of borrowed feathers.

Whew! An embarrassment of riches! Our choices made, it's time to really start getting ready for the evening!

Mmm, Tea

Around Lunch

2:00pm
After a morning of yoga and meditation and yoga, I'm ready to feast on a handful of seeds and grains - plenty of calcium there for my long, slender hair!! Combined with a couple of cheeky brazil nuts (well - I'm only human!) this meal will ideally prepare me for looking simply stunning by 6pm! To seal things off, I close with a tisane of fish fingers, chips, pasta and all-butter crunch biscuits. The sun's been out all day and has made a wholesome accompaniment to my food preparation. It is so important to prepare food oneself, isn't it?

Better dash now - Sarah just returned from the shops in a state of some disarray, quite possibly mid panic-attack. I bet she scored some bargains!!

Shopping Spree!

11.30pm
Sarah here. While Will whiles away the late morning striking the set of our one-night production of Grease, it's off for some last minute shopping for me. Leading such a busy life, I've managed to put off buying shoes until the last minute. Oops! Luckily for me, we're within a short hike of one of London's key fashion hubs - Peninsular Park, a satellite shopping mecca.

In the park, I consider detouring to TK Max to check out the latest looks, but decide to put business before pleasure. My first stop is the hub of this trendy bazaar - George at Asda Charlton.

Tragedy strikes! Despite a delectable line in wellies and Ben10 trainers, there's nothing that's just right for a night on the town. There's nothing for it, I'll have to do some sleuthing.

1.35pm
Success! The shoes are bought at New Look; they're just perfect, and a steal at £26 + my will to live. Bargain!

Just a few more things to pick up - make up, lunch, a new Beretta (just in case) - and it's back to the flat to have some food before we enter phase two of our preparations!

Continuing the Day

10:48am

Will here. While Sarah powders her eyes in the sitting room, let me take you through some of the backstory of the big day!!!!!!!! It all started with our friend Jordan:

Jordan's birthday is today, and she likes nothing more than to put on slinky dresses and hang around in central London bars wolf-whistling at men. Therefore we decided to join her! "We", as you have no doubt figured by now, is me:

And my worthy housemate Sarah:

We expect to have a wild night out on the town, joined by all our friends! Most especially, we look forward to seeing Mary:

And, of course, our exotic Danish friend Maria will be coming!

Whatever will we get up to? Ha ha! Stay tuned!!!